Betcha no one is reading this...

Hee hee! Haven't blogged in 2 years and I'm sure everyone is long gone. Kinda fun that way! So, homeschooling. That's what's on my mind. I love it. I hate it. It's absolutely the best thing that has happened to my kids' education and the worst. Let me explain...

I love homeschooling. I love watching my kids "get" things. I love being able to come up with fun/new/different ways to present materials and see that my effort made the difference. I love knowing how my kids learn in a way that b&m school moms don't. (I know this because I WAS a b&m school mom before homeschooling and I was very hands on, very involved, very aware...it's not the same.) I love that my 9th grader NOW appreciates all the benefits homeschooling provided him and I love that he wishes he'd made more of the opportunity. I love that last thing because he now sees it as a missed opportunity because I refused to push. The kids must be working to the best of their ability in the subjects and assignments I give them. I don't require more than that. I know a lot of homeschool parents do require more. I have chosen a different path.

This has left me with one kid at grade level...perhaps a tiny bit above, but it's kinder and that hardly counts. One kid well above grade level and one kid at grade level in most things and bit behind in a couple others. I feel like our homeschooling adventure is and has been a success. But...

The but is about all things NON academic. I cannot even put into words how FREAKING frustrating that is. School is supposed to be about learning. The learning part we have down pat. Where I struggle each year is the social aspect. Now before you all think I'm launching into the tired old "homeschooled kids lack socialization" BS, let me stop you right there. My kids are very well socialized. VERY well socialized. Most adults remark upon their manners, their ability to converse with all age groups, blah, blah, blah. That's not my concern.

The freedom, the pool of peers to be social with is what is lacking. You know why it's lacking? Because so many parents schedule every waking minute of their kids' lives. WHY!!!???? Anyway...I'm left, every year, balancing all the academic, learning focused plusses of homeschooling with all the peer socializing plusses of b&m schooling. Look, I get the importance of like-aged friends. If I didn't I wouldn't be writing this, but it just chaps my hide over and over that peer socializing is the thing that makes me even consider b&m school. Kill me now. I hate May and June for this reason.

I feel like the biggest loser...

So, you all know that I lost 60lbs and hit goal (2nd/lower goal) in summer of '07. Well, I've gained all by 20lbs of it back...because I apparantly suck. I really can't explain why I gained it all back. I was still very careful with my portions and my choices, etc. I basically followed the "maintanance" part of the plan I used and still those pounds crept back on.

So, I thought, I better go back on the weight loss part of the plan. I tried. I tried over and over and just felt so resentful of the fact that, once again, I was eating just about nothing (after taking a year to do the first time) and got crabby and miserable. My head would feel all confused and I couldn't get back the structure. Man, I was just PISSED.

Along comes the commercial for the free week of Weight Watchers online. Wait...what? Weight Watchers without the meetings? Yep. I checked. That's exactly what it is. I'm only on day 3 of my week, but I'm LOVING it. Weight Watchers has worked for me in the past. I just hated meetings and without the accountability of the weigh-ins it was too easy to slack off.

So...I am weighing in ONCE A WEEK! I refuse to weigh in more than that or I go to the crazy place of weighing 20+ times/day and I just don't think that's healthy...at least not for me. I am eating what I want to eat, what I like to eat. I'm finding it hard to eat all of points each day, actually. So, Friday is my weigh in day. I guess we'll see how it's working then, but for now, I'm thrilled that I found something great for me, right now.

A sweet sound...

So, I am really trying to be more aware of my prayer life. I don't tend to set aside time for talking to God until I'm half asleep and that's just not right. I should be making time for Him out of my best time, not only my leftover time. Just like charity. We shouldn't only give from our excess, but from our want. I look at prayer that way, too. I don't want God just getting my leftovers...time-wise.

Don't get me wrong. I have a running conversation with Him all day long. It's not that I don't pray...not at all. I figure it's a lot like my relationship with Christopher. We talk everyday. We talk a lot, but our relationship grows anemic if we don't set aside time just to be together. So, I'm working on being more purposeful in my conversations with Jesus, in particular.

This evening, I was alone in the kitchen. It was rare moment of solitude and I often find myself saying or humming some of my favorite hymns or songs in those moments. One of my favorites, to the point that I sang it as a lullaby to all my babies and it can move me to tears, goes like this:

I love you Lord and I lift my voice
To worship You
Oh my soul rejoice
Take joy My King in what you hear
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear

I started thinking about why such a simple verse means so much to me. I think I've figured it out. I am not a good singer. I love to sing, but I suck. Ever since I learned this song in 7th grade, I've felt so much more confident in singing for my kids, at church, in the car...wherever. This carries through to a lot of my life, too. I suck at a lot of things. I get an "A" for effort in a lot of areas though. This song reminds me that He sees my effort. He knows when I'm busting my butt for Him, even when I'm failing miserably. I want it to be a joy for Him that I'm putting in the effort. I believe that it is a joy. This song reminds me how much Jesus loves me. He gave me my voice, for good or for ill, I'm pretty sure he wants me to use it and everything else He gave me, to His glory. Knowing that, even when other people see only the lack, He sees the effort is like a warm embrace from the Father Himself.

And, since most everything works in a cyclical fashion, this brings me back to my determination to make time from the BEST of my day for Him. He's knows me, He loves me, He wants to hear from me in a meaningful way when I'm fully conscious :-p.

ETA: Here's a link to the song. It's got some extra stuff after the first verse that I'm not familiar with, but this is the song that I adore!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn2FfVxO-1o

It's the weirdest thing...

I think I like homeschooling. *gasps, while looking left, then right* Did I say that? Why yes, I believe I did. It's going very smoothly, generally speaking. We certainly have our moments, but overall, it's nice.

I figured out what worked for my kids and I tweaked things accordingly...and I'm still tweaking. I'm slowly adding things into Zay's daily routine. I have to add things in just a little at a time or she panics. So, it's slow enough that she barely notices and just keeps plugging along.

Killian is getting into some topics that I'm very confident in helping him with and he's loving that we can sit down together and brainstorm things.

Carina is on fire with excitement for everything she can do and wants more, more, more.

This is what it's supposed to be all about. I'm learning to balance the discipline that I think is so important with the flexibility that is a big bonus of home schooling. It's all falling into place...I think. I hope I didn't just jinx myself! We're coming up on the end of 2nd quarter, so finals are around the corner. I guess the proof will be in the pudding...or test grades, in this case.

FUN!

OK, am I the only one who finds AFTER Christmas almost more fun than before? I'm loving watching the kids enjoy their gifts. I'm loving finding accessories to go with what they got (I "pad" the Xmas budget to allow for this). I'm relaxed. I don't care about the house being a little (OK, so it's more like a lot) messy throughout the day. Monday, we'll find permanent homes for the new stuff, until then, it gets organized and moved out of the way each late afternoon.

We're all having fun watching each other have fun and I love it. Some of the kids are still working their way through the new stuff. It's an extended Christmas and...to top it off...MY Christmas comes in January. Chris and I usually wait til January to exchange for budgetary reasons. This year, he got his gift early cause it was an Ebay only item and it became available just before the holiday. But...I am still waiting. So, I have that anticipation going on and I'll admit it...I'm a big kid!

So, the 12 Days of Christmas are in full operation 'round here! I'm loving it. Every minute of it.

I love December!

I adore Christmas. I love both the religious and spiritual meaning of the day and I even love a lot of the commercialism that comes tied to it, too. But, I think that I love the whole month of December (though I would love it more without the freezing temps and the snow).

I love having my little boy's birthday this month. I love picking out gifts for kids whose parents' can't afford to get them their hearts' desire. I love scrimping to send money to my beloved priest in India who cares for a leper colony and a huge orphanage full of beautiful children. I love finding gifts for my babies that will make them squeal on Christmas morning.

But, I think more than all of these things, I love that almost everyone is happy and smiling and more relaxed this month. Sure, we're all freaked out about money and family and finding that perfect gift, but we're all in it together. There's something so bonding about the fact that the stranger next to you in line at Kohls is in pretty much the same place that you are. We can all smile at each other and wink even in the longest of lines cause we're all doing the same thing. Finding something to make someone we love happy on Christmas morning.

This all came to my mind on this St Nicholas Day evening. I am a firm believer in Santa. He's a real person and I think that, from Heaven, he inspires these feelings of good cheer and charity. Today is his day and I want to thank him for all of his prayers. Without them, I really have my doubts as to what Christmas would be in our world today.

So, Happy Feast Day, St. Nicholas! Thank you for everything!!!

Thanksgiving confession...(food related)

I love turkey. I mean that. I can and do eat is several times a week. So, Thanksgiving isn't particularly special because of the turkey. It's totally the homemade with cream and butter mashed potatoes.

Honestly, my true dream Thanksgiving meal is a giant plate of mashed potatoes with a little bit of turkey and gravy and a big salad. YUM! All this "extra" stuff like yummy, rich veggie dishes, pies, delish breads, etc. Yeah, you can keep it. Just pass me those taters!

OK, I feel cleansed now. I can go back to baking my FOUR loaves of (admittedly yummy) cranberry bread in good conscience.