My parents have had a rocky marriage since just about Day 1. My dad can be a mean SOB in both word and deed and I've long thought, begged, prayed that my mom would leave. Well, it's come to that finally. My poor mom is so freaked out. She has degenerative disc disease, severe arthritis, two artificial hips, MS and diabetes. She's only 60. Her whole life has been dedicated to making a home for my dad and us kids and she sees it all slipping away with nothing but uncertainty ahead.
I feel bad for my dad, too. He absolutely does not understand what's going on. I have no idea if this is because of some syndrome he has or just because he's that much of an oblivious jerk...I don't really care. I still feel sorry for him.
On the other hand, I am fighting some resentment because as the oldest and only daughter all the emotional support for my mom falls on me. I've wanted this for so long. When he was making my life a living hell everyday I had no control over the decisions and still had to play best friend to my mom and deal with his insane crap. Now, when it's all gonna fall on me when I have four kids of my own and not a lot of extra time or money, she makes the decision that should have been made 30 years ago. At the same time, I'm grateful that she didn't leave 30 years ago cause I'd be short two brothers, who I adore, if she had.
Oddly enough, I'm not at all torn about her decision. It is absolutely positively necessary and I thank God for my "anvil" in the form of my uncle calling last night to direct my mom. She does have a bit of the abused spouse pathology, so he really helped her make the final decision to not wait any longer and to move on filing NOW.
It's so hard standing on the edge of another really difficult, yucky thing. Seems hardly a year goes by that I don't find myself having to take a deep breath and dive into a "sewer." Keep my parents, especially my mom, in your thoughts and prayers please. She'll need every one of them!
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3 comments:
HUGS Mel!
I grew up just wishing my parents would get divorced & get it over with... but for some insane, and to me, brainless reason, they thrive on living in a true love/hate relationship & live to make each other miserable.
They even admit doing stuff to deliberately stir the other up (like Dad recently told me he deliberately transfers $$ around in the bank to different accounts to driver Mum nuts) it NUTS!!
I'm glad your Mum has made a stand & is finally going to leave. I'm sorry it all falls on you though, I'm my parents sounding board as well (both of them) and it can be a very heavy load.
I've had to learn to "be there" as they need, but to let it be like "water off a duck's back" and not be 'emotionally' involved so I don't get too hurt through it all. It was something VERY hard to learn to do, but it's been my saving grace with how awful things have gotten with them.
I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers, and your Mum also. Hng in there sweetie!
Thanks so much! It helps to know that other people do deal with this sort of thing.
just do what you can for your mom. She is going to have to figure it out. Huge hugs Mel.
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